Krotchy ain't GOT no cajones, Krotchy IS cajones, bitch!

Let Krotchy tell you a story...

Uwe Boll

For the love of Guan Yin, what the hell is wrong with this dude?? Why does he even exist in the movie industry and pain us so? This fucking retard is butchering more than he can chew. One after another, he’s churning out more feces than a swine’s rectal cavity can. Outrageous! What’s more? This cocky dude even has the nerve to bad-mouth the likes of veteran movie makers and critics through all his inexplicable thrash talk, and cussing on outrageously foolish grounds. Yet, I find them quite amusing, haha. Self-proclaimed “the only fucking genius in the business”, the sorry kraut bastard doesn’t even seem to realize he’s a fucking joke who botched miserably in his professed field. Though he does pack a serious punch, literally…

His upcoming victim, Postal (chances are you’ve never even heard of it), is just another act of his on filling up his already impotent game to movie adaptations. I doubt he can soulfully depict one of the most controversial games of all time. The glories of smacking citizens Paradise in their faces with a shovel, and spurting golden fountain on passing marching band (imagine the chaos…). I foresee a dreadful (and awkward) outcome out of this. Can’t even catch a glimpse of Gary Coleman, the town’s undergrown mascot, in all of the trailers. That’s compulsory, yo! On the other hand, smart move for the small guy for not even getting dipped with this dude even if he’s broke as hell, if that’s true anyway. Never watch. In fact, don’t even bother setting your sights on the ads(yup, I did the homework so you won’t have to, haiz). Some real corny shit there, sad.

In fact, do yourself and all humanity a favour. Sign the petition - http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

Currently on the prowl to munch into any existing reputable title. It’s guaranteed that anything he touches turns into steaming poo. So, don’t let that happen to your favourites!

People, you have been warned.

Stop staring at me, Yokel!

Princess Robot Bubblegum too horny to fight crime! Aligato!
Walaoeh, why does my room feels like there's a fucking invisible heat radiator! Panasnyeeer...

Iron Man was great! But... not off the charts. Nice change to see Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of Tony Stark, the obnoxious son of a corporate billionaire turned humanitarian, rather than his all too familiar role of sniffing coke, and getting stoned. Not as much wham, slam, and kablam than I thought there would in this flick. Or maybe I just soaked myself too much in Michael Bay's works(~wacha gonna do when dey come for you~). Gotta love those shiny, chromy suits with jetpacks.Yet undoubtedly, another straight hitter off the Marvel line. I bet Stan Lee is really loving himself right now for this, reaping all and whatever he sowed decades past. Good for him. Wonder if he's currently best friends with Hugh Hefner, heheh.

Grand Theft Auto 4
Hot outta da box, booyah! Thanks, consolegame.com.my!
Ahhh, nothin like the heavenly brisk scent of fresh ink on a newly printed paperback manual. Can't...stop...sniffing.... What's resting on my slimy, sweaty palm here is yet another Rockstar's masterpiece, yes...The Big Apple in one little, travel size package, not that I'll be carrying it around though. Soaring rave reviews eventually made me snapped to finally get one copy. Just managed to explore Liberty City superficially this couple of days. Note that in this installation, Liberty City bears little to no resemblance to it's formers. This means that if you'd memorized the map of GTA3 previously, from head to toe of all it nooks and crannies (like I did), well guess you'll have to start over again in this one, haiz. Even the control schemes are changed! But that's minor, as you can still switch back to classic mappings, fuh. There's more vehicles for you to jack, new arsenal of choice, more radio stations for your aural pleasure and there's RUSKIES! Yes, the protagonist is of East European lineage, so the dialog revolves around them. They seemed to ditch the cartoony style physics and painted on more realism. Fortunately for you 13 o'clock folks out there, they still retain that tireless slapstick humour the series is so well known for. They wouldn't. More bullet holes, more blemishes and... yup that's right, now there's the ever amusing ragdoll physics, booyah! Run over innocent 'zombies' at hazardous speeds and watch the mangled bodies get hurled across the street and rebounded off a tree or something on their way down in awe. Should your irregular synapses bring upon a sudden urge to ram an oncoming car, you can do so and get ejected out through the windshield, into the wrath of impending traffic. Trust me, that is classic fun... And it's harder to shake off the cops this time, they'll even box you in if the chance arises. Ironically, it can't be helped that the game now plays more like The Getaway, previously labeled as a GTA wannabe. Of course the graphics can never match that of Crysis' but that's not why this game sells. Anyway, still a lot to accomplish and excavate in LC and this title will surely be keeping me buzzay throughout this dismal hibernation period. So, if I'm unavailable at the time being, you'll know that I'm jacked in LC.

P.S - I take this opportunity to wish my petite big 'sis' a very Happy 25th Birdday, since you're not going to be blowing candles here back in Sibu. No confetti for you, haha. May you live a more cheerful and wonderful life, and grant me more swags and goodies! Like this one, ahaha!